Musings

I was reminded today that it is our spiritual obligation to love one another with reckless abandon.

I read a post this morning by someone who was honoring a deceased friend.  Mysteriously, it is gone.  I would have copied it or linked to it or something.  But…it’s gone.  The essence of the post was this:

     People just need to love other people.  Period.

We do.  Really.  And nobody will remind you that love is the natural state of being than a child.

This evening, my little guy and I were waiting for my oldest to come out of his karate class.  There was another kid waiting out in the hall.  He was drawing.  His mother was further down the hall on the phone.  I was messing around with my little guy, dancing and jumping around.  He was copying me, so I tried to make it increasingly harder for my son to mimic my footwork.  He did pretty well.  We laughed.  The kid on the floor stopped drawing and started watching us.  He laughed, too.  My little guy noticed him, they exchanged a few glances, said a few things to each other, and then the door opened and kids started trickling out.  

We walked in and gathered up our own karate kid, and, as my oldest was putting his shoes on, my little guy said, “Dad, I have to run outside!  Quick!”

He ran outside, quick.

“What are you DOING?!?!” I called out after him.

He was standing in the hall, looking forlorn.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I had to say good-bye to my friend, but now he’s gone.”

He looked stricken.  I put my arm around him, and, before I could say anything heartfelt and consoling, he was off running and screaming with his brother.

It made me think about that post I read this morning.  My son reminded me that the default state of being for human beings is love.  We want to make connections.  We want to feel closeness.  We want to open our hearts to other people.  We do it effortlessly and selfishly when we are little.

We retain that despite all the ugly stuff that happens over the years.  I know that there are exceptions to the rule.  I’m not that naive.  However, we don’t totally lose it.  What we do it suppress it.  We control it.  We only let it come out under extremely rigid circumstances.  After all, it’s too strong a word to use irresponsibly, isn’t it?

I can think of a lot of other words we toss around with reckless abandon.

Why not love?  Why not love with reckless abandon?

“Not one of us is worth a single cent less today than we were a year ago.” — Rev. Ed Bacon

 I find living with deliberate intention to be tiring.  I don’t do it nearly half as often as I should, but that is partly due precisely to the fact that deliberate intention is tiring.  You have to expend energy on living a life that consists of conscious activity aimed at pursuing a goal or objective.  It is far easier to react to things as they come up rather than try to do things that will lead you down a path of your choosing.  One could use the analogy of swimming: it takes more energy and is more tiring to swim against a current that simply be swept away by the current.  It’s the popularity of this imagine that leads so many people astray.

Although actions guided by deliberate intention take energy, they do not have to be exhausting.  And simply riding the currents will most likely result in your going places you don’t want to go.  It is a common misconception that getting swept away is the same as going with the flow.  It is not.  Flow is a magical, wonderful thing.

Flow is when your intention and the current upon which the Universe has set you are perfectly synchronized.  It is actually far easier to find flow than one would think.  It is also far easier to expend the energy to get yourself to the right current, to find the place that coincides with the your place in the Universe, and follow the flow than it is to recover from being swept away by some errant current.  Eventually, if all you do is follow the river while in a raft, you’ll find yourself somewhere you’d rather not be.  When you find your way to that flow, you’ll invariably wind up in the best possible place to receive the bountiful gifts the Universe has to offer.

I guess the moral of the story is to use your energy wisely.  Use intention, find flow, and don’t the waste time and energy needed to correct course after letting life just sweep you away.

I’m pretty good at what I do.  I’m pretty good at looking at things differently.  I’m pretty good at articulating my ideas.  I’m pretty good at opening people’s heart and minds to at least be willing to listen to other points of view.  I’m pretty good at getting people to talk.  And I think I’m easy to get along with.

It’s easy to think of myself as being pretty good at a lot of things.

Sometimes, though, you just need to be reminded that you can…well…not be so good at stuff.  Right now, I’m struggling.  I’m not handling things so well.  I’m fumbling.  I’m stumbling.  I’m tripping up.  It’s not the prettiest of pictures.  It’s not my finest moment.  Humble pie tastes like crap, figuratively, but I’m easting it.

And that is good.

It’s sort of like kaizen of the self: continuous refinement and improvement, even if it comes from less than stellar moments in life.  But I suppose the hard times are really the best times, the times that sharpen the knife.  Because…you know…I’m a knife.  All sharp and shiny.  Like the one from “Crocodile Dundee.”  

 It’s sort of trippy how the world just seems to be…back.  It’s like the Rapture in reverse: for weeks I moved about the suburbs of Chicago alone, for all intents and purposes.  Sure, there were other cars, but…c’mon!  We’re talking about CHICAGO.  The highways were practically empty.  Driving down 294 was like driving down the legendary Autobahn.  Or maybe like the Viaducto at 2 AM.

The office was pretty much empty, too.  Signs of life become fewer and fewer the deeper we got into December.  Where did all these people go, anyway?  Sour grapes, for sure, but it was so slow it hardly seemed worth taking the day off.  What a waste!  We could have drank coffee and eaten donuts, damn it!  Why didn’t you come in?!?!  Not that I didn’t enjoy the silence.  The deafening, oppressive silence…

But now everyone is back.  I think this will take some getting used to for those who disappeared for the entire latter part of December.  Some of the poor souls have this quasi-vacant stare on their faces.  I caught a few of them walking around in circles.  Others roamed aimlessly.  It was sad, really.  I feel bad for them and all of their time relaxing at home or traveling to distant lands.  Sour grapes, indeed…

So, I will accommodate those who have returned.  I will allow them a day or two to re-acclimate themselves to this daily grind, this race of rats.  Yes, reality will hit them soon enough, and the false sense of joy and serenity they have built for themselves will come tumbling down like the proverbial house of cards.  

And then we start stirring the pot.  We’ve got a world to change, folks!

Since I can’t help sounding like the (soon-to-be) proverbial corrupted MP3 file, we are SO attached to our artificial cognitive constructs of time!

There.  I said it.  Phew!  Out of the way.

We mark and measure and observe the passage of time with great enthusiasm and zeal.  Regardless of social status, economic situation, or political inclination, just about everybody I know is an expert at watching the clock and keeping track of the calendar.  It’s a vital human practice these days.  One must be aware of the passage of time each day lest one forget to eat, sleep, or leave work early enough to have a life but not so early so as to attract attention.  For these things, understanding a clock is essential.  And one must also maintain skills associated with calendar-consciousness.  After all, one must be aware lest one forget to prepare for winter, submit one’s taxes on time, or remember which days not to show up for work.  Further, when one combines these skills of clock-watching and calendar-consciousness, one can ensure that the new episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy” are not missed (on Thursdays at 8:00 PM Central).  Every day has its place in the cosmic order of things, and we must honor that place!

Today is no different than tomorrow.  Well, tomorrow hasn’t happened yet, but I think you might get my drift.  The rest of the cosmos doesn’t care about the obsessive-compulsive need of our species to catalogue EVERYTHING, particularly time.  It really, really doesn’t care.  Whether you believe in a natural force balancing all things in existence or you believe in an organizing consciousness…whatever you choose…the fact remains that the way we slice and dice time is a purely human construct meant to provide order to what appears to be a somewhat chaotic universe. 

As is the case with so many other things we do, there are very real, very necessary roots to our obsession with time, but that obsession need not pervade our lives.  The opportunity to disengage is there, we just need to seize it.  Why should we?  I believe that we lose ourselves in the ebb and flow of the currents of time.  If we allow ourselves to get caught up in the external flow of time, we run the risk of being overcome, of drowning, in the larger zeitgeist that drives the machine of modern society.  What’s more, so many of the sources of this global flow are reinforced by entities with a vested interest in your being aware of what to buy, when to buy, and where to buy. 

This time of year is a perfect example.  Where I live, in the United States, you can already see Christmas displays coming down and Valentine’s Day displays going up.  I’m all about the loving, but these cues are so obvious, and they aren’t coming from the need to prepare for the cold months to come.  OK, maybe Valentine’s Day might have something to do with warmth on a cold February night in Illinois, but that’s not the point.  Don’t get suckered in by the details. 

Step back.  Relax.  Close your eyes.  Open them

Open your eyes.

Every day is the same.  It is filled with potential.  It is no better than the days before, than the days yet to come.  And there is no guarantee that there are more days.  Today could very well be your last day.  Embrace that fact.  Squeeze every last drop out of today.  Sure, you are assuming you’ll get another one tomorrow, but why waste what you have in front of you?

2009 is almost over.  2010 is almost here.  It starts tomorrow.  It’s a brand new year, filled with endless possibilities, with so many things that we could potentially do.

Why wait until tomorrow to start?

Something about “The Season” brings out good things in people.  It brings out lots of things, really, but, for some reason, the good things seem more salient.  Maybe it’s because we see more of those moments in others.  Maybe it’s because we’re more attuned to the Spirit of The Season.  Maybe it’s a little of both.

I can only speak for myself, but I think our attenuation to goodness increases during this time of year.  We look for it.  We expect it.  It shocks us when we see people being nasty.  We shake our heads when we see greed.  There is simply this unwritten rule that this holiday season is about doing something a little extra for others.

And why is that?  Because of the Winter Solstice?  Yeah, I don’t think so.  I think it’s because it has become a collective expectation.  It is part of the experience.

It’s a shame that collective expectation exists for two weeks each year.  We could really use it the other fifty.

“It’s business, it’s not personal.” Really? Well, I don’t think so. I think business is personal. 

We make personal connections when we allow our spirits to reveal themselves to each other. It might be a quickly glimpse at first, but when that first tenuous connection is made, the bond grows. It strengthens. It builds a bonds that soon bridges what makes us different and connects what makes us the same.

Maybe what makes me special as a leader isn’t that I have made a personal connection here or there in my past but that I seek to make personal connections all the time. It’s one of the foundations of how I lead others.

The cure for the “divided self” is to bring your spirit into the equation. Spirit, or spirituality, need not be religious or supernatural in nature. Your “spirit” is simply a way of describing the essential qualities that make you so undeniably, wonderfully you. 

Spirit is the source of your strength, your power. We need you to show up in what you do. We need to hear your voice. We need to feel your touch. We need to see your signature. Leave your impression and make it undeniably yours.

You can save the world. Seriously. Showing up is a great start. Showing up and brining your unique blend of colors to the table is even better. On the flipside, don’t be afraid to mix your colors with those of the other people at the table. 

Change the world, but let your experiences in that world change you.

I’ve brought up cognitive dissonance in at least three different conversations in less than one week, so I took that as a sign to write about it. Cognitive dissonance is a term used to describe the disconnect between what you believe or think and what you do. It is a state of psychological unrest. It disrupts the “Know-Do-Results” cycle I wrote about the other day (odracir72.livejournal.com/57020.html). The cycle, fortunately, is self-correcting. At some point, an adjustment in either what you know, what you do, or the way you assess results is made to eliminate or reduce dissonance. Reduction of dissonance, however, is often temporary as there is a compromise in effect. It usually entails a level of self-deception that cannot be sustained. Elimination of dissonance should be the goal. Elimination requires a change, not merely an adjustment, to any of the three steps of the cycle.  Again: what you know, what you do, and the results you get. When the dissonant situation is eliminated, peace and harmony are restored to the individual.  We regain balance. Trying to be two different people…the one at work and the one at home, for example…will eventually lead to dissonance. One is no more real or valid than the other, but it takes too much energy to maintain the separation between them. The deeper the divide, in fact, the more energy required to keep the charade from collapsing in on it self.  When it does collapse, the disconnect between what we think and what we do is revealed.  The revelation can lead to disenchantment, disillusionment, dissatisfaction…all kinds of other states that being with “dis.”  The bottom line is that not allowing ourselves to be “authentically me” pretty much guarantees us that we will run out of the energy required to prop up the facade.  We will experience cognitive dissonance. At some point in our lives, we all experience the implosion.