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I have demons. Lots of them. I suspect you’ve got some yourself.

A wise leader once told me to demystify the process so that those I lead could better understand all the seemingly mysterious processes that run in the background of any organization. It was one of the best pieces of advice I ever got as a leader. The best part was that this leader modeled the behavior by doing the very thing he talked about. That’s a huge motivator, and most leaders underestimate (if they estimate at all) how vital a component that kind of modeling is to the health of the organization they lead. And the people…it’s healthy for the people involved up and down the organization.

I think it’s useful to demystify this idea of demons. The demons that haunt our lives, at least the type about which I am writing, are largely the byproducts of our own life experiences. To take them out of the realm of ethereal fantasy and into the light of reality, they need names. Name your demons. It doesn’t matter what you call them, just call them out. Identify them. Label them. Once you do that, you can begin to relate to them. Relating to them is the first step in neutralizing them. And that’s all you should really hope to do: neutralize them. Don’t shoot for eliminating them because they come from you and are a part of you. Excising them is nearly impossible. Exorcizing them is best left to actors on film. If you can manage to neutralize them, then I think you’ve done pretty well.

There is a reason to name and identify with the demons that vex you. Once identified and name, the things that haunt you can then be addressed. And by “addressed”, I mean spoken to. That’s right. You’re going to speak to your demons at some point. Maybe not quite yet, but you’ll get to the point where you can and will address them. Literally. As in, you are going to talk to them out loud, so you can hear what you say to them. Sounds kinda weird, doesn’t it? Maybe so, but you’ll get even weirder once you’ve taken to speaking to them. The next step is to listen to then speak to you.

Yes, you’re going to listen to them. And they are going to talk to you. You might wonder how that’s going to happen if they are not of the physical plane, if they are manifestations of the machinations of your psyche. It’s simple: you are going to be their voice. You will speak for them. Out loud. You’ll give them a voice and give them an audience. You will speak and listen at the same time. In the process, you will learn.

Interested? I can show you how to do it.

One of the problems with the blank slate is that there is nothing on it.  We look at it and feel daunted because it’s blank.  Whether literal or figurative, the blank slate or canvas is a great big chunk of absolutely nothing with the potential for absolutely anything.  How on Earth are you supposed to choose what to put on it?

The blank slate isn’t actually blank.  It’s filled with the endless possibilities that the artist, author, or innovator can imagine.  That’s the key to understanding why it overwhelms the senses and can lead to sensory overload.  It’s not the absence that gets us; it’s the abundance that threatens to bury us.  In fact, painted on the surface of every seemingly blank slate is the years of baggage, conscious or unconscious, that the artist and their audience bring with them.  When there is nothing, our minds have to option but to fill the space.  The blank slate scares us because it holds the very best that we can dream up.  And dreams are scary business.

It has been said that Michelangelo claimed not to manipulate marble to fit his vision but to use the hammer and chisel to free the sculpture that was imprisoned in the stone.  Stephen King claims to channel the stories he writes down, not to invent them himself.  He is more biographer and historian than creator of fictional adventures.  In the same vein, the blank slate is merely the surface on to which we project our knowledge and experiences, filtered through the objective of some project or intended outcome.  It is the space upon which display for all the world to see that which we have to offer.

That is why we fear it.  That is why we shy away from it.  That is why we leave it blank.

To put something upon the slate is to open ourselves up to scrutiny.  Why take such a risk?  Why bother sharing when we know so many will seek to tear down that which we proffer to them in good faith?

To me the answer is simple: to do anything that fill up the slate requires us to deny a vital piece of ourselves.  It is cruel and heartless punishment that we willingly inflict upon ourselves.  We deny the best  of us the best that the world has to offer because we fear the worst.  We anticipate failure and rejection.  We envision our dreams being crushed.  We daydream our hopes being dashed.  We look to the future, fear the negative outcomes, and give up the tiniest hope that things can turn out in our favor.  It is sad, and it is true.

If there is a dream inside of you, dare to dream it, and dare to bring it to the world.  Far better for them to die fighting in life than for them to die languishing and withering in darkness.

I firmly believe that the term “nothing short of amazing” applies to each and every person on the planet we call Earth. At minimum, the potential for amazing exists. The problem is that we fail to see the amazing inside of ourselves. Even worse, we cannot believe that anyone would see us that way even if we could see it inside of ourselves. We don’t even dare to dream it.

The truth, though, is that what other people see is what we radiate. If we don’t dare to dream of ourselves as nothing short of amazing, then nobody will see us that way. It’s impossible. I’m not talking about blind, over-confident arrogance. I’m talking about the recognition that we are capable of great things, of knocking the socks off other people, of bringing enough light into the world to lessen the shadows around us. Radiating in this manner does not require a dream so big that it will crack open the world. No, it just requires enough self-confidence and enough self-love to know that we can amaze other people.

I got the external validation yesterday, a simple and kind comment from someone whose day was changed because of something simple that I did for them, and it meant the world to me. It filled me with light and joy not because it was validation. It was validation only upon contemplating the act hours later. I was moved because of the warmth I received as a result of a simple act of generosity. I just wanted her to have one less thing to worry about. That’s it. In response, I received, “You are amazing!” With that one sentence, she returned to me as much as I’d given to her. Funny how the unintentional consequences of our actions reveal themselves to us.

Aspire to “amazing” but find it in the smallest places. When openly and genuinely given, any gift can blossom into nothing short of amazing.

Transitions are great.  They mean that new things are on the horizon.  They can also be challenging…even frightening…because…well…new things are on the horizon.  “New” can be glitchy.  I am trying something new.  I’m building towards it, actually.  New and exciting and a tad frightening.  The great thing is that through this transition, I can bring something new into the world.  I can take what I like from the old, too, and bring it with me.  I just need my old to merge with my new.  Should be a challenge.

Transitions, some time off, and the overall need to recharge have kept me away.  Away was fine, while it lasted, because I think away was necessary.  I don’t want to be away any more.  What not being away means…in other words, being present…remains to be seen, at least within the context of my life, my work, and my need to create, my need to connect, and my need to create connections for others.  

Out with the old, then, through the transition, and in with the new.  Here’s hoping that others will join me.

I was struck by a recent post by Seth Godin (The bottomless pit of pleasing strangers ), specifically the idea behind the phrase “it’s not for you”.  It’s not uncommon for something that Seth writes to get me waxing philosophical.

I do what I do, I act the way I act, and I am moved to do the work I do for reasons that are my own.  Logical.  It took me quite some time to become comfortable with the idea, though, that not everyone is going to embrace this idea or the beliefs that drive and motivate me.  Growing up in a corporate environment at a very large company, it’s difficult to embrace the idea.  It’s hard to say, in regards to everything about me, “it’s not for you.”  But I embrace that now.  It’s easy for me to say, “it’s not for you”…because it’s not.  At least not for everyone.  For some, it’s definitely for you.

To me, this is the essence of the tango we dance when who we are outside of work and who we perceive ourselves as having to be at work are not as aligned as we would like them to be.  My son wants to be a pilot.  Can he be a pilot for a major airline?  Sure.  He also wants to continue playing tuba.  He’d be happy making money doing both or making money doing one while doing the other as a passion hobby.  Even though he is still young, I think he has the right perception of what his future can be.  However, can he be a pilot at a major airline and be a successful musician?  I don’t know.  Something tells me that the balance between the two would be difficult to maintain.  Similarly, if who we are is too far off from the demands of our work, then we’re in for some trouble.

So, I think it is best to keep the selves aligned.  It would be best to not have “selves”, but the reality is that we are constantly, and appropriately, adjusting our behavior and the parts of our persona that we show to others within the context of the audience and the moment.  I don’t find anything wrong with this, as long as it does not create that dissonance.  Within the context of our world of work, it is better to say, “It’s not for you,” than it is to attempt to say, “I’ve got exactly what you need!” to too many people for whom that statement is simply not the truth.

Time passes so quickly, but I often wonder if it really slips away or if we choose to let it go. I suspect it is as much the latter as it is anything else. In the end, the atomic clock ticks away at a consistent pace. All that varies is perception based on attribution.

I think we can get a lot more done when we all drop pretense, guard against over-inflating our position in the world, and approach one another as genuine partners in whatever endeavor we choose to undertake together. This is the best path to the most impactful results.

If the journey is rich and enjoyable, the destination takes on a much brighter, more appealing hue.

I cannot say for sure that this is the case everywhere in the world, but here, in the US, we reach this artificial deadline at the end of each year that has us convinced a new digit on a calendar magically resets the Universe. I used to shake my head at the absurdity.

Now, a little older and a little wiser, I see the purpose in purging. I think it all comes down to hope.

I believe that hope keeps us alive in the worst of situations. I believe hope is what fuels our desire to be more than we currently are and our insistence that self-improvement is not just a possibility but a probability. Without hope, we are destined for nothing more than stagnation.

We dream. Some of us dream big. Some dream more simply. Regardless, without hope, dreams do not become reality.

I choose to believe that I can dream and live to see some of those dreams become reality. It doesn’t hurt to embrace an artificial line in the sands of time if it means I can renew my faith in my dreams and hope to see them come true.

I was struck today by the realization that we are so completely and utterly dependent on time to provide us with a sense of who we are and our place in this Universe.  More than space, time provides the frame of reference for us to judge all things (past) and the means to perpetually expect fulfillment at some other juncture (future).  The present suffers from our neglect.  

I committed a sin against a friend today by placing her within the context of time.  I did the same exact thing not too long after with another friend by placing him within the context of time.  Later, as I drove home, I felt a pang of guilt.  I turned both of them into things to be categorized and sorted.  In doing so, I momentarily let go of the special place they hold in my life and the place I hold in theirs.  They honor me with their trust and with the gift of their candid exchange of thoughts, feelings, and ideas.  I felt like I dishonored them.  A bit much, I know, but my need to bring time into the picture startled me.

The lesson, I discerned is this: as Eckhart would tell us, time serves the ego.  The ego serves only itself.  It serves to distract us from the true nature of all things.  Beware of time when it acts in unison with the ego!

The right words from the right person can elicit a tectonic shift in our lives. We are blessed when we have opportunities to touch and be touched by others.

Nothing but gratitude…to you and to The Universe for placing us in each other’s paths.