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Every now and then, I find myself jumping through hoops and being grateful that the Universe is putting hoops in my path through which jumping is necessary.  They provide a sort of gating system that slows down the pace, giving you an opportunity to think about what you are doing.  The rewards and the risks aren’t always evident, particularly when life is rushing by at a frightening speed.  The hoops give you the pause to contemplate them.

Of course, all the thinking just makes you want to vomit on your shoes with anxiety.  While vomiting serves a biological purpose, suppressing the gag reflex is a pretty good skill to acquire and practice.  I find that I perform best and am most credible as an individual and decision-maker when I am able to control the flow of fluids out of my body.  That is not to say that there is not an appropriate time and place for said flow or that individuals who succumb to such flow are somehow not as worthy of all of life’s bounties as I am.  No, all I am trying to say is that I prefer to avoid vomiting in public.

But that’s not the point.  The point is that I have fallen victim to the desire to get from here to there are quickly as possible.  I am as guilty as the next person of wanting to be done with the torture of waiting.  However, I like to remain chill under most circumstances, and when I lose that chill factor, I tend to regret it.  The Universe knows this, so it caters to me.  Well, not exactly caters.  That would imply that the Universe revolves around me, which, incidentally, I have been told on more than one occasion it does not.  I get that.  All I’m saying is that the Universe gets that I am best when chilled, so I uncannily find myself in the position to be chill when I need it most.  And right now, I need to be chill.  Like a good bottle of red wine, I am best enjoyed when slightly lower than room temperature.

Jumping through hoops isn’t always a bad thing.  In fact, there are times when it’s exactly what you need to keep yourself sane.  And chill.

The man on the TV said, “I’ve worked hard to get where I am today.  I’ve paid my dues.  I have a nice family, a beautiful wife, a good job.  I just want to coast now.  I’ve earned my spot.  Now it’s time to keep things steady.”

He couldn’t have been older than 32 years old.

Maybe my problem is that I don’t have a vision for what it’s like to “make it.”  I guess it’s probably a pretty good feeling to get there, to feel like you’ve accomplished what you set out to do for your life.  I’m thinking that the man on the TV had every reason to feel completely satisfied and content.

The only problem is that his wife didn’t feel the same way.  She didn’t marry this complacent guy.  She didn’t marry a guy who just wanted to coast through life.  She married a guy that was interested in her as a person.  She married a guy who had ideas and dreams.  She married a guy who wanted to build a life with her.  This new guy…she isn’t digging his disinterested, coasting self.

I have a hard time believing that the thought of coasting for 50 or 60 years is really appealing to anyone.  No, I think that accomplishing a monumental life goal is terrifying.  Notice I said “accomplishing,” as in “I have now accomplished,” or, “I am accomplishing as we speak.”  I didn’t say “the path to accomplishing” or “undertaking our life’s work” is terrifying.  I think that the act of finishing something that you started is terrifying because it begs the question, “What next?”

Complacency is a symptom of fear.  Coasting is a symptom of fear.  Even contentment is mostly a symptom of fear.  When we are afraid, we freeze; we’re talking roverbial “deer in the headlights” action.  We do this because moving is risky.  Getting past the current accomplishment entails wide open territory, a new beginning to a new tale, the start of a new chapter.  And the hardest part of starting all over again is facing the fear of not making it to the destination this time around.  So, the only viable option is to just stand still.

Or coast.  

The man on the TV wants to coast.  His wife doesn’t.  Neither do I.

Somebody stole some giftcards that someone was sending to me via interoffice mail.  When I got the envelope, it was unfastened.  When I saw who it was from, I immediately knew the envelope would be empty.  It was.  Two giftcards, gone.  Just like that.

This made me feel very sad.  I felt sad because I thought about the person who took them.  I thought about how this act was a reflection of their soul.  I thought about how it stripped them of a little bit of their dignity.  I thought about how it reinforced to them, on some level, that they are a worthless piece of human debris.  They don’t even qualify as trash.  They’re just debris.  They are a tiny particle of manure in a vast sea of humanity.  They are nothing.  They are not even worth the plastic they stole.

Of course, I don’t believe this; I think that this is, on some level, what they must think of themselves.  Our actions towards others are almost always a reflection of our own sense of self.  I cannot believe that their actions have given them any sense of satisfaction.  I do not believe that their actions have done anything other than made them feel just a little bit worse about themselves.  Sadly, the worse they feel about their lot in life and about their own sense of worth, the more likely they are to do precisely those things that will eat away at what remains of their self esteem. 

See, I don’t believe that they are worthless.  I don’t believe that they are “nothing.”  I don’t believe that they are debris, garbage, a waste of human flesh.  I know that they are a human being who experiences the same range of emotions I do.  I know that they are like the vast majority of humanity and wish only to have the freedom to live a fulfilling, happy life.  I know that they deserve all the rights and privileges that I have.  At out essence, we are the same.  Circumstance makes us different.  Circumstance took us down distinct paths.  Circumstance separates us, nothing more.

Whoever you are, I know that you stole those giftcards because you thought you were taking something away from someone.  This was meant to satisfy something inside of you.  You think that you did it to give something to yourself.  Unfortunately, it really didn’t inted for your actions to be an act of giving.  You did it to take away.  But you didn’t take anything away from me.  You took away something from yourself. 

That plastic wasn’t worth it, my friend.  There’s nothing in the world that those two $10 giftcards can buy you that can undo the damage you did to yourself.  I’ve got nothing but love for you, my brother or sister.  I hope that somehow you can feel that.  Nothing but compassion can make us whole.  You’re obviously walking a difficult path.  I wish you peace and love on your journey.

Stealing is more about you than it is about me.

Imagine a massive herd of slow-moving mammals somewhere on the plains of the Serengeti (see “Planet Earth” for visualization assistance).

Animals in herds move slowly.  They like to move slow.  Moving slowly makes sense.  It requires less energy.  It ensures longevity.  It ensures safety.  And safety feels good; it’s comfortable.  That’s how it works with animals in herds.

Ditto humans, particularly humans in herds.  Herd = slow = safety = comfort.

It is probable that things move slowly when large groups of humans are involved because the groups collectively want things to move slowly.  Or perhaps it is more accurate to say that some people want things to move slowly?  I suspect this is the case in the vast majority of cases.  Generally, a large portion of the group will want progress to be quick, but this smaller subset will seek to slow things down.  They will want things to move slowly because they are afraid of the outcome.  They will talk about failure, but failure isn’t the fear.  The fear, you see, is in success. 

 

Success means that you effected change.  If you effect change, then you are on the hook for what comes next.  If what comes next causes the ship to burst into flames, then…well…it’s your fault.  It’s your responsibility.  You and your damn change took the rest of us down. 

 

Or, even worse, you and your damn change lifted the rest of us up!  Now the expectations are higher!  Now they want more out of us!  Now…now how do we exceed expectations?  If we don’t improve maintain or even incrementally improve this consistent, dependable level of mediocrity, how will we be able to prove our value over time?  Why disturb the comfortable calm if even successful change puts everything at risk?  If we burn all the fuel on ascent, then isn’t descent the only option?

 

The answer is yes/no/maybe/probably.  The only way you can tell is to go for it.  Go for it with 100% commitment.  Whatever happens will be the launching pad for your next triumphant journey into orbit or your next fiery, explosive disaster in the clouds.

 

Regardless, when you’re up there, don’t forget to take pictures of the slow herd.  They’ll want to see what they are missing.

Back in the day (circa 2008), you could pretty much build a career on backing the right horse, becoming a subject matter expert, or even staying under the radar.  The slow and steady types could plug away and feel reasonably comfortable in the knowledge that their job, ergo career, was safe.

The problem is, “safe” was an illusion.  It always has been.  The illusion is now gone.

A great quote came my way the other day: as long as you are on somebody else’s paycheck, you’re on somebody else’s paycheck.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but as long as you’re on somebody else’s paycheck, somebody else, not you, will be calling the shots.  I think we all need to think about that long and hard for a while.  Think about it and fully unfold what that means to you.

Some people will be fine with that.  They’ll spend their lives making sure that they do what they have to in order to stay on the payroll.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  It worked for my father for decades, and it has worked pretty well for me, too.  

Some people will not be fine with the knowledge that somebody else gets to ultimately call the shots.  They’ll spend their lives making sure that they do what they have to in order to make their own way in the world, that they get to call the shots.  The payroll becomes theirs to control.  There’s nothing wrong with that, either.  It has worked for a lot of the people that I know.  

What is important is that people think about what it means to be on somebody else’s payroll.  Think about it, understand what it means to you, then choose your path accordingly.  There are no “right” or “wrong” answers, at least not for me or anybody else to decide for you.  All that matters are the decisions that you make and how well you inform yourself before you make them.

I think a great place to start is deciding what it means to be on somebody else’s payroll.

Miracles happen to us every day. We just don’t always recognize them for what they are. We take so much for granted that we get totally thrown when things don’t go according to our plans. We overlook the miracles and fixate on what we didn’t get instead.

The Universe gives us precisely what we need when we need it. I think it can get that simple.

Who knows what constitutes a miracle and what constitutes a disaster. I suspect it comes down to whether or you believe lemons are for lemonade or not.

The messy business…it’s almost upon us.  So, what do we do?

Brace yourself.  That’s my first piece of advice.

Second, I would say that it’s probably a good idea to make peace with where you are, who you are, and where you think you are going.  If you’re good with all three of those, no amount of messiness can dislodge you.

Third, choose stillness.  The tempest is coming, and there will be people looking for a lifeline, a rock, a bright light on a distant coastline.  Anything.  They will be looking for anything.  If you are ready, you can be anything.

Fourth and final bit of advice, gather your circle of trust close.  Don’t push away.  Don’t withdraw.  Don’t go silent.  Don’t fade.  Draw people close, the ones you trust.  Draw them close and ride the full range of human emotion with them.  Together, you won’t fade; instead, you’ll reach the kind of critical mass that causes the birth of stars.  You’ll burn brightest with other fires by your side.

Or you can ignore me.  What do I know, anyway?  I’m just a guy.  You’ve never been overly impressed with me.  That’s cool.  You don’t need to listen to me.  Just don’t sit there, though, and pretend that nothing’s happening.  Ignoring reality won’t make any of it easier, I promise.

The only way to deal with a mess is to clean it (and yourself) up.

In summary, here’s the thread in my brain this week:

Slow down.  Don’t move too far too fast.  That means understanding your limits and pushing them within reason.  Too cautious?  Maybe.  Regardless, I’ll walk the razor’s edge, but I won’t necessarily dance on it.

No matter what you do, do it like you care about the end result.  If it involves someone else, do it like you care about the end result AND what they think about the end result.  Along the way, be kind to the bushes.  When everyone else is ruining the flowers, if you get the same thing done while respecting the things others disregard, you may just have found a way to differentiate yourself.  

Today, I was confronted by fear in the workplace.  My advice fit the thread for this week, ironically enough.  What more could I offer than to advise them to treat every day as a training opportunity.  Don’t stop training; don’t stop learning.  Build your body of knowledge.  If you are forced to leave one place of work, you will be that much more appealing somewhere else.  Seize the opportunity to figure out how to do the work well.  

Figure out how to make the right sandwiches at the right speed.  

Tonight, we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.  Grapes, too.  And there was a spinach salad with almonds and carrots to start things out.  It was a good meal.  My sons made it.  My wife set them to task, walked out the door, and joined me outside as I toiled in the yard.

My boys went about their work.

When it was ready, they let us know.  We all sat down as a family, and we ate our sandwiches.  My oldest asked multiple times if the sandwich was satisfactory.  He had this sheepish grin on his face.  My little guy made the salads.  He was mildly interested in whether or not we liked our salad, but he was more interested in his PB&J.  

Before our meal, we thanked our boys for the wonderful dinner they made.  After, we thanked them again.  It was obvious my boys felt good about the meal they created.

Therein lies the life lesson: do your work…your unique work in your unique way, and be proud of it.

When I was in the yard, I spent half my time cleaning up the mess left behind by the workers who replaces my roof and siding.  They finished about two weeks ago.  We’re still finding nails, pins, and staples everywhere.  Scrap siding, too.  And shingles.  They tore up my flower beds, destroyed a dwarf Korean lilac, and damaged my vegetable garden.  It’s obvious to me that the men who came to work their butts off at my house cared little for the actual work they were doing.  No art in their work.  It was unconscious, mechanical work.  They got it done quickly, but some times speed isn’t everything.  I don’t think they put much pride into their task.

It shows.  Two weeks later, it shows.

I think intrinsic motivation is important.  I think being motivated to do the best work possible is important, too.  And I think having pride in the output of your work is really important.  I think my boys get that, at least as well as they can at their respective ages.  I will do my part to ensure they sustain that.  Perhaps some day, someone will be telling a story about the fantastic work my boys did and how their joy and obvious pride in what they do make them worth every penny.  And perhaps they’ll be talking about their wonderful peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Do you ever set down a path then realize that you’ve gone too far too fast?  

Yeah…me, too.  Happened right now, as a matter of fact.

There’s a fine line between pushing yourself to your limit in an effort to extend that limit just a tad and pushing yourself somewhere you have no business being pushed.  It’s like lifting weights until it hurts, then doing it some more.  Like I read somewhere once, it’s those last few minutes when the burn is worse and the desire to quit greatest that muscle is actually built.  I’m not the guy who does that whole “burn” thing.  I guess I miss out on the greatest benefit.

But that’s not the point.  The point is that going far fast can be OK.  But you can also get yourself to a place that is just beyond your capabilities, even if just temporarily.  I remember climbing up a small shed when I was about 7 years old.  It was made of brick, and it seemed like a tower to the sky at the time.  The wall went straight up.  There was no easy way to go about getting to the top.  This would take balance, strong fingers, and all the right crevasses in all the right places.  A slip would have been painful.  I climbed anyway.  It was a tough climb, but I made it.  

Unfortunately, I made it.  

“Making it” meant I was at the top of this little building with no way down.  I failed to take into consideration that fact that the wall that went straight up also went straight down.  That final surge of strength I needed to hoist my legs over the top?  Yeah, not so easy to do in reverse while positioning my feet just so to ensure proper footing.  I was in trouble.

Too far too fast.

There was no way down.  My friends started laughing at me.  Then, the bell rang.  Recess was over.  Everyone ran back to the door to line up to get back into the building.  If I didn’t do something soon, I’d be left outside.  They’d lock the doors.  I’d be late.  Being late sucked.  I didn’t want to know what would happen to me.  I panicked.  Then I jumped.

You might survive going too far too fast, but it isn’t always pretty.  The alternative is to slow down a bit, regain your composure, recognize that you’re not ready to jump, and figure out a different way down.