Fear is probably the number one inhibitor of vulnerability. Fear is hard-wired into our brains. It drives most of the essentials systems that maintain our safety in what can be a very dangerous world. Or was a very dangerous world.
The truth is, our world isn’t really that dangerous. If you are reading this, chances are you’re sitting at your desk at work, and a desk in an office isn’t exactly the breeding ground for the Xenomorphs from the Alien film franchise. No lions runnng around. No tigers hiding in the bushes. If you’re in northern Illinois at the wrong time of year, the geese might qualify, but you can pretty much outrun them. Besides, they don’t have badges.
If your modern world isn’t that dangerous, then why do we succumb to fear? It’s like I said: fear is hard-wired. There are parts of the world where the biological responses of fear still play a part in survival, and those places echo a time long since passed when those dangers ruled our days. Tens of thousands of years of human development on a pre-industrial Earth helped refine and perfect the systems for survival that are at play within our bodies, within our minds. There is a biological basis for human behavior, and it’s still very much relevant today. This is why we succumb to fear.
When you eliminate actual life-and-death threats, what you are left with are imagined threats. I know…the threat of losing one’s job is real. The threat of embarassment is real. They are “real” in the sense that they can actually happen, but what is the danger? Where is the actual, physical harm that can come from them? There is no danger. There is no life-and-death struggle. The fear that drives the modern human is the fear that lives inside.
I am afraid. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of looking stupid. I am afraid of being rejected. I am afraid of not having friends. I am afraid of unreciprocated, emotional investment. I am afraid that everything I do is a monumental waste of time and will have no beneficial impact on anyone when it all comes down to it. I’m afraid of other things. I have a lot of fears.
I don’t define myself by my fears.
I don’t define myself by what I am not.
If I defined myself by fear and by what I am not, I’d spend the rest of my life making the list.
Instead, I acknowledge my fear and do stuff anyway. I try and fail. I speak up and sound stupid. I approach and am rejected. I make and lose friends. I invest emotional and don’t get anything in return. I attempt to do things that wind up being of no benefit to anyone. I attempt and waste my time. There are other things that I say and do that terrify me, but I do them anyway.
I wake up the next day, and I do it all again.
Do you know what happens? I try and succeed. I speak up and make good points. I approach and am embraced. I make and keep friends. I invest emotional and get so much more than I could have ever imagined in return. I attempt to do things that wind up changing lives. I attempt and spend my time wisely. There are other things that I say and do that terrify me, and in the process I create things that only I can create.
Be afraid, but do stuff anyway. Go beyond the fear, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Be vulnerable and build trust. I wish there were a simpler way to strengthen the bonds of trust, but there isn’t. It’s done one step at a time and with one individual at a time. Over and over again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
The first step is yours, and it starts inside.
Illuminate Possibilities 