Category: Uncategorized

Some Saturday nights are best spent on the couch with a glass (bottle) of wine, some paint samples, a parenting magazine, a movie queued up, and someone with whom to share it all…

I’ll start by saying that the current drama in my life can be categorized as what I’ve heard refered to recently as “First World Problems”.  These are the middle-class problems of America.  For example, “My DVR didn’t record ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ in HD last night!!!”  First World.  “Oh, that’s not really hard wood.  It’s just high-quality laminate.”  First World.  “You can buy 3 Kindle Fires for the price of 1 iPad!”  First World.  “I have nothing to eat, no way to get food, and my village is surrounded by hungry lions.”  Not First World.  There is certainly a difference between some types of problems in life and others.

However, like I’ve often told my wife when she feels guilty about letting her First World problems get to her, your problems are just that: your problems.  As such, they weigh heavily on you.  Don’t feel guilty if they get to you.  Our perception of reality is relative.  We frame the world in terms of our own egos.  It’s one of the weaknesses of the human spirit, I suppose.  We should be stronger, but we’re not.  Too bad.  Life would be so much more enjoyable if we were!

All that leads me to the conclusion that there MUST be something to learn from all this…shit…that we are going through trying to close on this damn house we’re trying to buy.  I won’t publicly bad-mouth another person, and I am sure he has his reasons for why he is making this such a drawn-out, painful process.  What I will do is focus on the fact that I am supposed to learn something from this experience.  There’s a lesson, no doubt.  I just need to tease it out.

That’s life, right?  It’s all about the things that happen, the things you do, and the way you conduct yourself in the face of the consequences, good or bad.  Being gracious, courteous, and open-hearted regardless of what’s going on in my life is really the easiest way for me to gauge if I’m focused on the things that matter.

It’s hard to keep in mind that the “I” that I think of as being me is really the me that I see when I look in the mirror and the me that sizes up the other me in the mirror. So, “I” is really “me” twice over.

I am this pulpy mass of flesh, bones, and the squishy stuff in between. That “me” is the physical vehicle that moves about the world. It is how the physical stimulus of the world is sensed, absorbed.

I am the consciousness, the energy that is connected to the Universe. That “me” is something beyond the physical yet tied to it. It is the true me, something more than my Earthly mind is able to comprehend.

My sense of self is the union of the two “me’s” with which we all grapple. I have been reminded lately that perceiving consciousness beyond the physical senses is a challenge. It takes work and requires presence. It demands energy, and that is something that is often in short supply.

In order to be our most authentic and complete selves, we have to train ourselves to experience our Universe with a wholeness we are not always used to leveraging. If we can learn to do it with more frequency, then we can truly improve the quality of our lives.

Half of 70 is 35.

Life expectancy in the United States for a healthy male is…70-something.

No matter how late into your 30’s you are, you can fudge it and claim that twice your age is within the range of the aforementioned male life expectancy.

When you reach 40, that logic no longer flies. Twice 40 is 80. The reality is that 80 is beyond the average, thus, life is officially more than halfway over.

Did you get that? When you reach 40, you’re suddenly looking down the other side of the hill. Statistically speaking, there is more path behind you than in front of you.

Seeing that you reach mid-life at 40 is generous. You might already be past it.

Door open, ground work laid for proverbial Crisis!

Personally, I’ve got my sights set on 120. I still have a way to go
before I’ve got anything to lament.

Every 40-year-old man deserves a Thundercats shirt.

Pictures versus words…but pictures with words are often the best…

I started blogging in December of 2008.  One of my dad’s friends asked me, “Why?  Why do you write for anybody to see?”  It was a legitimate question.  I didn’t have a great answer.  I think my answer was something along the lines of, “Why not?  A lot of people do it.  It’s a way of spreading ideas.”  I had read Seth Godin’s book “Tribes” earlier that year and also hunted down and read a copy of his earlier work, “The Idea Virus”.  I’d gotten the message that I had something worth saying and just needed a forum to say it.  I also recognized that I needed to exercise my writing muscles and work towards those 10,000 hours.  So, I started to blogging.

 

I think my parents read my stuff regularly.  I have a friend from high school who comments from time to time.  I know she reads.  Apart from that, there’s not a lot of evidence that I get a lot of traffic.  A few people have made their way to my blog using key word searches.  I wrote about paella once, and I got some hits for that one.  I think people came looking for a recipe.  Another time, I saw a spike in traffic because I used the word “nipple” in a story about my kids.  That got some attention, but I am sure there was a good deal of disappointment when they realize where they’d been led.  But I keep writing, anyway.

 

Why?  Why bother continuing to write?  Well, I still have something to say.  The internet still provides the forum in which to say it.  I still need the exercise.  I still want the 10,000 hours.  However, I have found over time that I write fewer and fewer posts each year, not more and more.  To be fair, I write in other forums, too, but even that hasn’t really fulfilled my…desire.  Yes, I have a desire to write, to get better at writing, to use writing as my vehicle for communication.  I just lost my focus, my sense of purpose.  I meandered too far.  I covered too many topics.  I mixed this with that and threw in a bit of that other thing for good measure.  In the process, I lost the desire to write because writing became more chore than pleasure.  Let’s face it: pleasure is good.  I like pleasure.  I want pleasure.  Call me crazy.

 

In February 2012, I will turn 40.  You only turn 40 once, right?  You only wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and say to yourself, “Self, I am 40,” once, right?  Well, technically speaking, no.  You actually wake up 40 365 times, every day for an entire year.  And this year’s a Leap Year, so I actually will wake up 366 times as a 40-year-old man.  Therein lies my new purpose.

 

For the next 366 days, I will provide you with unprecedented access to the mind of a 40-year-old man living in the United States of America.  I’m talking about unrestricted access into the inner workings of a middle-class, American male.  It’s all yours for absolutely free.  Am I promising 366 meaningful posts?  No.  That doesn’t appeal to me.  Remember: pleasure.  Pleasure and purpose.  That’s what’s driving the change in focus.  Instead, I will provide you with approximately 5 posts a week for 52 weeks.  OK, maybe 50.  I figure somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 or so posts.  Some will be meaningful, and some will be meaningless.  Some will be expositions of the literary kind seldom seen these days.  Others will surely seem like dribble.  This, though, is the beauty of the American male in the year 2012: you get what you get and you’ll like what you get.  My blog, my rules.

 

So, dear reader (aka Mom and Dad), join me as we explore what it means to be…Man at 40.

 

Welcome to WordPress.com. After you read this, you should delete and write your own post, with a new title above. Or hit Add New on the left (of the admin dashboard) to start a fresh post.

Here are some suggestions for your first post.

1. You can find new ideas for what to blog about by reading the Daily Post.
2. Add PressThis to your browser. It creates a new blog post for you about any interesting  page you read on the web.
3. Make some changes to this page, and then hit preview on the right. You can always preview any post or edit it before you share it to the world.

Who has your back?

The answer: nobody.

Nobody has your back. Need examples? I’ve got some scenarios. How about broken promises from managers who ran out the door so fast chasing their own agenda that they couldn’t even apologize to you to your face for failing to come through for you? How about your contributions for the better part of the year going unrecognized because of a 3rd-Quarter change in assignment? How about the guy in HR who chooses to ignore your attempts at communicating with him for months, only to weigh in at the 11th hour to let you know that he doesn’t really support what you’re doing?

Do you need more hypothetical examples? Probably not, huh? You’re already making your own list…

Here’s the thing: nobody should have to cover your back. I can think of few professions and few situations where you actually need someone to have your back. Even then, whatever threatens you in the situation is probably threatening the other person, too. Like in the military, for example. The RPG can take you all out. Law enforcement? A well-placed bullet can take your backup out. Firefighting? It’s fire, for Pete’s sake! That stuff burns without prejudice. No, you cannot and should not ever rely on someone else to have your back.

See, that’s what makes having someone else’s back such a gift. It’s a gift you give others because you know it’s the right thing to do. Some times you sacrifice…big…to be there for another person. You do it without expecting anything in return. You do it because you care. It is that simple.

It is that simple for others, too. People will undoubtedly, inevitably come to your defense, to your rescue. Your world is filled with reliable friends, trustworthy colleagues, and compassionate bosses. It is just easy to overlook them and focus on the recent, intense negative feelings. It’s hard to hunker down and let the wave of misfortune wash over you. If you just have patience and keep your eyes and ears attuned, when the wave retreats, you’ll find yourself in a position to appreciate and give thanks for all the people who are covering your back in the ways that matter.

Need examples? How about the friends who give without expecting anything in return? Or the family that supports you every step of the way? Or the colleague who takes walks with you and lets you vent? Or the confidant who lets you spill your guts without showing any sign of judgment?

Do you need more hypothetical examples? Probably not, huh? I hope you’re already making your own list…

If you aren’t going to be the hero in the epic tale of your life, then who will it be? Your neighbor? The guy down the street? After all, isn’t a hero someone who does something spectacular and outrageous? Isn’t a hero who does something to change the world, to save a life, to alter the course of history forever? A hero is someone much more important that the meek, ordinary people like you and me. Right?

 

And what’s an epic, anyway? An epic is something majestic, impressively great, or unusually great in size, extent, or scope. It’s certainly not our mundane, simple lives! An epic is a far off adventure. It’s a journey of such immeasurable scope we cannot even…measure it! It is an undertaking of such depth and breadth that it lasts for years and includes an incredible cast of characters! An epic is The Iliad or The Odyssey, The Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit, or even the life stories of Mother Theresa or the Dalai Lama. Those are epics. Our lives are just footnotes in the Grand Scheme of Things.

 

Perhaps. Or, maybe, our lives are epics, too. Maybe our life journeys span space and time and are filled with an incredible cast of characters? Maybe an epic isn’t dependent on buried treasures or fearsome monsters or enlightenment at the pinnacle of spiritual understanding! Maybe it’s driving to Dunkin Donuts every morning, working a full day at the office, and watching “How I Met Your Mother” in your jammies!

 

A hero embarks on the epic journey, and they continue down the path until the challenge is met, until that which must be done is done. A hero engages the path, overcomes obstacles, and does things he or she would have otherwise thought impossible. After all, that’s what makes the epic tale so mesmerizing. That’s why we bother to tune into it at all.  

 

 

What about us?  The common folk?  Do we not meet the challenges?  Do we not slay dragons?Do we not run a troll or two out of town?  We do.  We do almost every day of our lives.  Sometimes, just rolling out of bed counts enough to be considered a Herculean task. What matters most is that we engage the path and meet the challenges, overcome the obstacles, and we do it decisively.  In the end, the thing that matters is that we act like the heroes in our own epic tale.

 

Life is an epic tale, and you are the hero.