It’s easy to say that you’re “doing well” even if you aren’t. Does everyone really want to hear your sob story when they ask you, “How are you today?” It’s better (and easier) to just robotically respond, “I’m doing well, thanks.” But what if, for a little variety, you told the truth? What if you responded in a genuine manner? What would the other person do?
When I was a very young manager, I remember running into someone one morning and asking them, “How are you?” Their response: “Shitty.” I was stunned, so, I kept filling up my water bottle. After a few seconds pause, he continued, “Why is it that when you tell someone how you really feel, they don’t give a crap?” He walked away. Still stunned, I walked back to my desk, not quite sure how to process the exchange that I’d just experienced.
The next day, I went to the guy’s desk (we’ll call him Bill), and I said, “Bill, I am sorry that I didn’t respond to you yesterday when you told me that you were having a lousy day.” He apologized for being grouchy, but I told him that I learned something from the interaction. “I promise you,” I told him, “that I will always, always take the time to listen to the answer when I ask someone how they are doing.” He sort of looked at me a little oddly, apologized again, and looked at me. I thanked him for the lesson and let him go back to his work.
Bill’s lesson was one of the first I learned about being present with the moment. He also taught me about the value in being genuine with others. I wish I could say that I have not faltered in my promise to Bill. I have. However, I am always aware enough to notice it when it happens, and I have made it a practice to apologize to the right people and seek to repair whatever damage may have been done.
The real value in Bill’s lesson, though, has more to do with the positive things that can come from being present with others and giving them the attention they deserve. I rarely, if ever, take a call when I am meeting one-on-one with someone else. I am often asked, “Do you need to get that?” I normally respond, “It’s OK. I can call them back.” 99% of the time, that’s true. This might seem like a small thing, but the little things are the things that make the real difference. The details create the strongest associations. In my experience, taking an extra second or two to look someone in the eyes and allow a true, inner smile to come to my face when asking, “How are you?” is a great way to invite someone into your day to share the experience of living. I’m not saying that everyone stops dead in their tracks to engage, nor am I saying that everyone remembers. What I am saying is that the invitation, the attention, and the time are often enough to give that other person the opportunity to bring a little positive energy into their day. What a fantastic gift to give someone who might need just a little boost.
Illuminate Possibilities 