Author: Ricardo

I’ve brought up cognitive dissonance in at least three different conversations in less than one week, so I took that as a sign to write about it. Cognitive dissonance is a term used to describe the disconnect between what you believe or think and what you do. It is a state of psychological unrest. It disrupts the “Know-Do-Results” cycle I wrote about the other day (odracir72.livejournal.com/57020.html). The cycle, fortunately, is self-correcting. At some point, an adjustment in either what you know, what you do, or the way you assess results is made to eliminate or reduce dissonance. Reduction of dissonance, however, is often temporary as there is a compromise in effect. It usually entails a level of self-deception that cannot be sustained. Elimination of dissonance should be the goal. Elimination requires a change, not merely an adjustment, to any of the three steps of the cycle.  Again: what you know, what you do, and the results you get. When the dissonant situation is eliminated, peace and harmony are restored to the individual.  We regain balance. Trying to be two different people…the one at work and the one at home, for example…will eventually lead to dissonance. One is no more real or valid than the other, but it takes too much energy to maintain the separation between them. The deeper the divide, in fact, the more energy required to keep the charade from collapsing in on it self.  When it does collapse, the disconnect between what we think and what we do is revealed.  The revelation can lead to disenchantment, disillusionment, dissatisfaction…all kinds of other states that being with “dis.”  The bottom line is that not allowing ourselves to be “authentically me” pretty much guarantees us that we will run out of the energy required to prop up the facade.  We will experience cognitive dissonance. At some point in our lives, we all experience the implosion.

What you know is really a mix of your thoughts and your feelings. Logic, reason, and belief systems are all example of thoughts. They come from the processes that mainly focus on the quantitative aspects of cognition. Feelings, on the other hand, mainly focus on the qualitative aspects of cognition, and they include emotion, mood, and intuition. The body of knowledge that you use to interpret and navigate the world around you informs the decisions you make and forms the drivers for what you do. What you do is a manifestation of what’s going on in your head.

Your actions have consequences. They yield results. You consciously and subconsciously evaluate these results and determine which you like and which you don’t. Then, you make adjustments to what you know based on your thoughts and your feelings regarding these results. So, your results affect what you know which causes changes to your thoughts and your feelings.

Some people care more about what they think, and some people care more about what they feel. Regardless, all people care about both to one extent or another. It’s simply a matter of priority. When you get to know someone, you get to know which of these they value more. You develop your relationship with them based on that knowledge.

The key is getting to know others in more than just a superficial manner. It’s hard not to love once you take your relationships to that level.

Sometimes it is hard to give an opinion on something because there is a tendency for others to view such opinions as judgments. For example, when asked, I normally tell people I am a vegetarian for health reasons. This is true, to an extent. However, I also don’t eat meat for ethical reasons. See? Right there. I lost some people. The word “ethics” implies judgment. Nobody says that they don’t like mustard for ethical reasons. There are simply those of us who think mustard tastes gross. Period. I don’t think anyone has ever felt that I had a feeling of moral superiority because I don’t eat mustard. Besides, if I didn’t eat mustard for ethical reasons, people would think I am a screwball. Make it meat, and I run the risk of being “holier than thou.”

Or take schools as another example. Sometimes, when I tell people that I send my kids to a private school, I get this look like, “Oh…public school not good enough for you?” Not categorically. I just think the philosophy behind the school to which I send my children aligns more closely with what I perceive to be best for my kids. It’s not a personal statement AGAINST anything but a personal statement IN FAVOR of something else.

That’s just the way of the world, I am afraid.

Sadly, this becomes relevant because there is a tendency…at least in this country, the United States of America…for opinion to be politicized by those with loud voices and hidden agendas. The act of politicizing every issue that enters the public realm has the immediate effect of polarizing the populace. This is an unfortunate phenomenon, but it is even more unfortunate that the general population continues to fall for it. And when we fall for the manipulation, we play the part that others want us to play.

And then we’re in that damn box again.

The antidote to this is simple: refuse to play the part that is being scripted for you. Refuse to align your thoughts and beliefs along party lines. Refuse to allow others to bring political alignments into conversations about corporate ethics or scientific morality. Avoid the trap of creating instant enemies by slapping a political party’s label on your ideas.

Give your opinion without passing judgment. It may be hard to do, but opinions, thoughts, and ideas are the fuel of human social evolution. Let the revolutionary ideas percolate up! There will be no change until the unhindered expression of thoughts and ideas is not just tolerated but embraced around the world.

At least that’s my opinion…

December is an old, familiar friend. It just sort of works out that way for me. I am sure others feel the same way.

In my world, nothing defines December more than the album “December” by George Winston. For the uninitiated, you can find it here:http://www.georgewinston.com/recordings/01934-11611-2.php

December is many other things, as well, but that album is the warm, cozy blanket that I put on each and every night. I don’t know how else to describe it.

Each December, I take a day for myself, and I reflect. I used to use it as time to look back at my journey the past 12 months and venture to dream about the coming 12 months. This year…this year there are no limitations. This year there are no boundaries. This year…the context is different.

Still, I recognize this month for what it is and what it is meant to be. I welcome it and all that comes with it.

Welcome to December…

I just caught wind of a 50,000-word-novel challenge that is due by the end of the month. I think I will be focusing on meeting that challenge. So, I’ll probably take a breather until December. Who knows, though…

I get wrapped up in the artificiality of time, particularly at this time of year. It is so easy to do so. From the Thanksgiving turkeys on sale at the grocery store to the Black Friday tempest of Christmas consumerism to the death knell of this year as next year enters, there are so many cultural queues that reinforce this notion that each day has its place next to the following day and the preceding day. They create a neat little chain of days that stretch back towards Day 1 and continue onward to Day 365. Then, the counter resets, the chain is closed, and a new one beings with another Day 1. It’s like our lives are one giant abacus.

I don’t believe any day is different from the day before. Nor is it different from the next day to come. There is no chain. There is no abacus. There is no calendar. There are no dates. The day and weeks and years mean nothing. Their passing is relative, it is not absolute. There is no objective measuring stick against which we can assess the passage of our lives. The days come in an endless stream of repetition.

We tell ourselves that the changing seasons, the aging of the organisms on this Earth, and the decay of things around us are significant and warrant the structure we impose on our world of form. But these are just lies. They are lies we believe in and that our societies reinforce. They serve no purpose but to organize the world.

Pick a day…any day…and make it Zero Day. Make Zero Day the beginning of your life. Make Zero Day the day you give yourself over to your true purpose, to your true calling. Listen for the voice of God. Listen for the songs of angels. Listen for the harmonic melodies of the Universe in motion. Listen for the quivering of atoms. Listen, listen, listen… And when you hear, mark that day as Zero Day.

From Zero Day forward, make every moment count. From Zero Day, allow the path to your contribution to humanity to unfold. From Zero Day, assume ownership, control, and accountability. If our human brains require that our time on this Earth be structured so as to put our existence into perspective and derive meaning for our lives, then why not have it start on a day of YOUR choosing. Mark THEIR calendars with YOUR Zero Day.

And make every day after that one count more than the one before.

The other day someone told me that we don’t have the luxury of pursuing righteousness (his word) at our jobs. “We get paid,” he said, “to fall in line.”

I’ve been contemplating this for the better part of a week now. I know that he’s right. This is simply the role of management. He is correct in that we do get paid to own and support the company directives. 99 out of 100 times I can align.

Then there’s that 1 time out of the 100.

See, I was born with sentience. Into that sentience some power far greater than me (or my capacity to imagine it) breathed consciousness. Into that consciousness, my parents infused a sense of what is right and what is wrong. Society reinforced it and contradicted it. Experience and maturity honed it into the person that I am today. And the person that I am today is not owned by any other human being. I have free will. This was my birthright. I do not dishonor this birthright by submitting myself to the will of…of anyone. I CHOOSE when I will align and when I will not. In the end, I am accountable only to that power I mentioned before.

I consult with my wife. I consider my family. I seek the guidance of my friends. I listen to the wisdom of my parents. And I exercise my birthright, my free will.

So, no…I disagree with you, my friend…my dear, beloved friend. I have the luxury of pursuing “righteousness”. I have the right and the obligation to pursue righteousness. I will not harp on this any longer. I have said my piece…and made my PEACE.

The only line I am falling into is the line to see “New Moon” with my wife. And it’s a line of my choosing.

Luck isn’t about whether or not good things happen to you, it’s about whether or not you notice the good things that do happen.

Watershed:

1 a : divide 2a b : a region or area bounded peripherally by a divide and draining ultimately to a particular watercourse or body of water

2 : a crucial dividing point, line, or factor : turning point

Perhaps I am being melodramatic, but I feel like this is a watershed moment. A moment when I am making a qualitative decision for my life. Maybe, in the grand scheme of Everything Else, my little moment is insignificant. Maybe it is not.

When I was a kid, my parents used to tell me to stick up for myself. They told me and my brothers that we should always stick up for one another. They called us “The Three Musketeers. I think we all hear such lessons from our parents. I remember my father telling me once when I was a teenager that you have to stand up for the things you believe in. I guess my father could have been the Greatest Yes-Man Who Ever Lived. I guess he could have been the guy who always asked, “How high?!?” when asked to jump. I guess he could have been the one who always offered to get his boss a cup of coffee in a room filled with coffee cups. I guess it’s possible, but I doubt it. Do you know why? Because when my father told me it was important to stand up for yourself, I believed him. I have kids now, so I know how well they see through all my BS. That day, my father believed in what he was telling me, and I believed him.

So, I imagined my children and my wife watching me. I imagined myself with my sons, at some pivotal childhood moment, telling them that you have to stand up for what you believe in or else you’ll eventually forget to believe in anything. I imagined myself telling them that you have to choose your battles and that you’ll know when the time is right to take a stand. I imagined them, in that moment, looking into my eyes, seeking truth.

I am preparing for that moment. I want them to see truth in my eyes. I want my wife to listen in on that conversation and know, in her heart, that the man she married is the man he claims to be.

I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it. One qualitative decision at a time.

This close to 40, I have to say that words of affirmation from my parents are still a powerful salve for just about any wound.

I do not like being placed in a box. I know that someday, I will be placed in a wooden box and lowered 6 feet under. That is the only box that I can accept in my future. Although, it would be far more ecologically sound to just grind me up and mix me into some topsoil. Not compost, mind you, because you’re supposed to leave the meaty, smelly parts out of that. It would be more like real worm food.

Anyway, no boxing me in, please. I don’t like it. I don’t want it. I don’t like to put people into boxes. I recognize that I am human, and, as such, will occasionally default to placing people into boxes unwittingly. Well, there’s also emotionally putting people into boxes. You know, setting up boundaries such that you can avoid creating uncomfortably, potentially ugly conflicts. That’s a different kind of box; it’s the kind that protects you and everyone else involved.

No, the kind of box that I am talking about is the oppressive, restrictive kind. I doubt I am alone in not wanting someone to marginalize me and demand that I conform to the parameters of the box. I don’t like that. And, like I said, I doubt most people do. We say that it’s good to think outside the box, but when we think outside the box in ways that make other people uncomfortable because it’s non-normative, then we come to realize that a lot of other people really don’t want you thinking outside of the box. What they really want is for you to think outside of the box you put yourself into but still stay inside the box THEY put you into.

Does that make sense?

Here’s what I am saying: I will think outside of any and every damn box I wish. I don’t care if it’s my box, your box, his box, her box…I don’t care if it’s the Pope’s box. As my wife has been known to say, “The job of all parents is to set boundaries for their children. The job of all children is to push those boundaries. Wise woman. I’m down with that, sweetheart. You’ve never accused me of being overly grown up.

Don’t get me wrong: I’ll respect anyone’s personal boundary. You have a right to protect yourself from me, if that’s what you feel you need to do. I’m mostly harmless, but I’ve been known to piss off, offend, and alienate all kinds of people. So, feel free to put a box around yourself to keep me out. Just don’t ask me to stay in a box to keep the status quo all comfy and happy.

I won’t stay inside the box.