Author: Ricardo

My youngest child is doing amazing things at school. He’s doing things that are exciting his teacher. She’s so excited, she’s sharing what he’s doing with other teachers. His former teacher came and took a picture of what he’d done. She uses it to show parents what sorts of things kids who move on to the next level do with the materials in the classroom. The only problem with her approach is that she assumed that he was doing something he was taught by his new teacher. He isn’t. What he did, he did on his own. He invented it. He came up with a new way of working with the materials that his new teacher never learned in her training. She didn’t instruct him; he’s instructing her. And it’s exciting.

My son received no grade for his work. He received the satisfaction of being given the time, space, and permission to explore his world, manipulate it, and go down his own path. By contrast, he got bored doing Rocket Math in his old school. Single-digit addition, as fast as you can, as many as you can, while being timed? You can watch the progression of mastery in his Rocket Math scores. Better, faster, more: upward curve. Then, slower, fewer: downward curve. Did my child forget how to add single digits? Nope. He simply mastered it. He got bored. He lost interest. He moved on. The only problem was that he didn’t have the time, space, and permission to move on. So, up went the flags… His teacher got excited, but it wasn’t the kind of excitement that encourages growth. It was the kind that kills self esteem and encourages unquestioning compliance.

I stop to look at myself in the mirror every day, and I see a person who, at 40, still struggles to overcome the effects of my indoctrination. I want something different for my children, and they are getting it. Both my boys are. I see the same exploratory mechanisms, the same builders of confidence, at work in both their classrooms. I want my children to be better at being themselves than I am at being myself. Trust me, I’m not delusional; I know they will struggle to find their place in the world and in human society. But I hope they will struggle to find meaning in life or a purpose to drive them or a place where they will fit in, not struggle to embrace and celebrate who they are inside.

“Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it, a man hardly knows whether he is an honest man.” — Henry Fielding

Well, I’m feeling pretty honest these days.

It is your right to claim your voice.

Don’t whisper for the duration of your life. Someone may have stolen your voice, but what they took did not belong to them. So, it was never really taken. You chose to let it go silent. Choose something different now.

Choose to claim your voice.

I think the flaw in the way we learn and teach empathy is that we emphasize putting ourselves in another’s place. By imagining ourselves in the other person’s life, we immediately guarantee an alien experience. How could it not be? We are not that other person, and they are not us. I mean, we are, but that’s another discussion altogether. The point is that it is an impossible task to attempt to assume the identity of another in the hope that doing so will breed understanding. It won’t, at least not in the way intended by empathy.

Instead, I think the far less distracting path to empathy lies in understanding another by attempting to truly understand them. Listen. Listen far more than speak, and I think you’re on the right path. I cannot think of a better way to gain empathy than by allowing the other to tell their story.

Don’t imagine; listen. I think that is how to find understanding by understanding.

Wait…if everything passes…then how can you trust anything?

The short answer is that you cannot.  You simply cannot trust anything.

You cannot count on anything.

You cannot take anything for granted.

You cannot assume one way or the other.  Well, you can’t do assume with any real certainty.

If everything passes, then that means that every day we are presented with the opportunity to create.  Or, if you prefer, we are presented with the opportunity to co-create alongside our friends and family and colleagues and the Higher Power to which we turn for guidance.  The “who” is relevant only to you and your journey.  The fact remains that each day is truly new.  When we awaken, we have only that which we have chosen to bring with us from the days that have come before.

Nothing lasts beyond the moments to which we cling.  We ascribe meaning and sentiment to time that has passed, and these memories make up the things we bring with us each day.  Everything passes.  Nothing lasts.  This is called impermanence.  It is the true state of the Universe.  It is the true state of our existence.  The sooner we realize this, and the more firmly we can retain this understanding, then the happier we will be…and the closer we will be to enlightenment.

I am so pleased. I never anticipated that things would be so easy. It is hard to believe. All this time. All this effort. What a positive outcome! This is exhilarating!

And it is temporary. This will pass, one way or another. It is a leaf blowing in the wind of life.

No point in getting too complacent. This, too, will pass…

I am frustrated. I never anticipated that things would get this far. It is hard to believe. All this time. All this effort. And for what? This is frustrating.

And it is temporary. This will pass, one way or another. It is a leave blowing in the wind of life.

No need to worry. This will pass.

Out there, somewhere, you will find something that is close to perfect. Believe me, you can find it. You just have to search.

Searching is often difficult for us because it requires us to be active, not passive, and step outside our places of safety. It’s not necessary to go out and search, either. If you are truly happy, truly at peace, then perhaps searching is not prudent or even constructive.

When the opposite is true, however, then we owe ourselves a good search. Even when we are selling ourselves short or enduring humiliation or subjecting ourselves to unjust treatment, the urge to sit still, to compromise, is so incredibly strong. The default is to not act. We have to overcome the default, though, and strive to realize our true potential. We do this by searching.

Search. You will find.

What if you just need a nudge, a little encouragement, to get you moving in the right direction?

Surely, your career is worth more than meaningless obedience and mindless compliance?

Perhaps a nudge is all any of us need to begin the process of redefining who we are and what we bring to the work we do.

No guarantees, of course, but maybe all it takes is a nudge.