Author: Ricardo

I think the flaw in the way we learn and teach empathy is that we emphasize putting ourselves in another’s place. By imagining ourselves in the other person’s life, we immediately guarantee an alien experience. How could it not be? We are not that other person, and they are not us. I mean, we are, but that’s another discussion altogether. The point is that it is an impossible task to attempt to assume the identity of another in the hope that doing so will breed understanding. It won’t, at least not in the way intended by empathy.

Instead, I think the far less distracting path to empathy lies in understanding another by attempting to truly understand them. Listen. Listen far more than speak, and I think you’re on the right path. I cannot think of a better way to gain empathy than by allowing the other to tell their story.

Don’t imagine; listen. I think that is how to find understanding by understanding.

Wait…if everything passes…then how can you trust anything?

The short answer is that you cannot.  You simply cannot trust anything.

You cannot count on anything.

You cannot take anything for granted.

You cannot assume one way or the other.  Well, you can’t do assume with any real certainty.

If everything passes, then that means that every day we are presented with the opportunity to create.  Or, if you prefer, we are presented with the opportunity to co-create alongside our friends and family and colleagues and the Higher Power to which we turn for guidance.  The “who” is relevant only to you and your journey.  The fact remains that each day is truly new.  When we awaken, we have only that which we have chosen to bring with us from the days that have come before.

Nothing lasts beyond the moments to which we cling.  We ascribe meaning and sentiment to time that has passed, and these memories make up the things we bring with us each day.  Everything passes.  Nothing lasts.  This is called impermanence.  It is the true state of the Universe.  It is the true state of our existence.  The sooner we realize this, and the more firmly we can retain this understanding, then the happier we will be…and the closer we will be to enlightenment.

I am so pleased. I never anticipated that things would be so easy. It is hard to believe. All this time. All this effort. What a positive outcome! This is exhilarating!

And it is temporary. This will pass, one way or another. It is a leaf blowing in the wind of life.

No point in getting too complacent. This, too, will pass…

I am frustrated. I never anticipated that things would get this far. It is hard to believe. All this time. All this effort. And for what? This is frustrating.

And it is temporary. This will pass, one way or another. It is a leave blowing in the wind of life.

No need to worry. This will pass.

Out there, somewhere, you will find something that is close to perfect. Believe me, you can find it. You just have to search.

Searching is often difficult for us because it requires us to be active, not passive, and step outside our places of safety. It’s not necessary to go out and search, either. If you are truly happy, truly at peace, then perhaps searching is not prudent or even constructive.

When the opposite is true, however, then we owe ourselves a good search. Even when we are selling ourselves short or enduring humiliation or subjecting ourselves to unjust treatment, the urge to sit still, to compromise, is so incredibly strong. The default is to not act. We have to overcome the default, though, and strive to realize our true potential. We do this by searching.

Search. You will find.

What if you just need a nudge, a little encouragement, to get you moving in the right direction?

Surely, your career is worth more than meaningless obedience and mindless compliance?

Perhaps a nudge is all any of us need to begin the process of redefining who we are and what we bring to the work we do.

No guarantees, of course, but maybe all it takes is a nudge.

What about tomorrow? I’ll tell you “what” about tomorrow…

…it will suck as much as today did.

…you’ll be as miserable as you were today.

…you’ll hate your job all the same.

…your marriage will be the same dead, empty joke you always feared it would be.

…you’ll feel like more of a loser than you did today.

…you’ll hate what you see even more.

…your kids will resent you just a little but more.

…your life will be a disappointment. Just like it was when you woke up this morning.

Nothing will be different tomorrow. Absolutely nothing. You’ll just be one day closer to death.

Unless, of course, you get out of bed on the other side. That simple choice can be the first in a series of different choices that can lead to you redefining the rest of your life. It starts that simply.

Like I told my friend, the Buddhist monk, the other day: it’s simply life, and life simply is.

He’d say there is no choice, just destiny. I say get out the “wrong side” all the same.

The big question facing me as I prepare to go to sleep once again is what do I do with tomorrow.

What about tomorrow?

What else is there to say? That’s deep enough a question for me.

What about tomorrow?

It occurs to me that being 40 means that it’s a slow, inexorable nosedive into the abyss known as “old age”.

At least that’s what I hear. All the dudes who are older than I am tell me so.

I say, “Screw you guys. I’m still climbing uphill.”

Of course, that would explain why my legs burn a little more quickly walking up several flights of stairs. I’m walking uphill now.

Is it age or is it expectations? At which point does the mind lose the battle over the matter? After all, decay and death are built into the system. They have to be. Without death, there would be no renewal and no means of preventing the complete exhaustion of resources. The balance requires all organisms to return their gooey, fleshy parts to the greater collective that is Life on Earth for reuse.

I’m not quite ready to return my parts, thank you very much. They’re still gently used, so I’ll be hanging on to them for quite some time.

Today at Chuck E. Cheese, I was reminded that parents go to great lengths to make their children happy. Children are essentially easy to please.

The lesson: listen to your audience because the path to happiness is seldom as complicated as we think it is.