I was struck by a recent post by Seth Godin (The bottomless pit of pleasing strangers ), specifically the idea behind the phrase “it’s not for you”. It’s not uncommon for something that Seth writes to get me waxing philosophical.
I do what I do, I act the way I act, and I am moved to do the work I do for reasons that are my own. Logical. It took me quite some time to become comfortable with the idea, though, that not everyone is going to embrace this idea or the beliefs that drive and motivate me. Growing up in a corporate environment at a very large company, it’s difficult to embrace the idea. It’s hard to say, in regards to everything about me, “it’s not for you.” But I embrace that now. It’s easy for me to say, “it’s not for you”…because it’s not. At least not for everyone. For some, it’s definitely for you.
To me, this is the essence of the tango we dance when who we are outside of work and who we perceive ourselves as having to be at work are not as aligned as we would like them to be. My son wants to be a pilot. Can he be a pilot for a major airline? Sure. He also wants to continue playing tuba. He’d be happy making money doing both or making money doing one while doing the other as a passion hobby. Even though he is still young, I think he has the right perception of what his future can be. However, can he be a pilot at a major airline and be a successful musician? I don’t know. Something tells me that the balance between the two would be difficult to maintain. Similarly, if who we are is too far off from the demands of our work, then we’re in for some trouble.
So, I think it is best to keep the selves aligned. It would be best to not have “selves”, but the reality is that we are constantly, and appropriately, adjusting our behavior and the parts of our persona that we show to others within the context of the audience and the moment. I don’t find anything wrong with this, as long as it does not create that dissonance. Within the context of our world of work, it is better to say, “It’s not for you,” than it is to attempt to say, “I’ve got exactly what you need!” to too many people for whom that statement is simply not the truth.
Illuminate Possibilities 