I had a bit of a panic attack today. I felt like I had no business even trying to do what she was doing. She knows her stuff. She knows these people. She knows what she’s doing. I am not she, ergo I do not belong here trying to do any of this!
The moment passed. But I didn’t feel any better about things. I was unsettled for much of the day.
On the train ride home, I was reading a book that my buddy gave me called “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”. The section I was reading had absolutely nothing to do with me. I got to this one part and…holy crap…the section I was reading had everything to do with me. I hate when that happens. Actually, I love it.
Here’s what I learned today: I am not me anymore. I mean, in a lot of ways I am, but the “me” that I am doesn’t matter quite as much as my human ego would lead me to believe. Some Tolle came with that, along with a healthy portion of Dalai Lama and a side order of Godin. A bit of Buckingham rounded the moment out.
What I mean is that everything that I thought made me “me” at work is 3000 miles away. I felt the absence of all…THAT…today, and I think I lost my nerve for a spell.
The scary moments are always about “me,” but, more often than not, they should really be about…not me. I feel threatened when I focus on me and what I have to lose. Most of the time, I don’t have anything real to lose; it just feels like I do. The truth of the matter is that the loss I fear is imaginary and simply the anticipation of a loss that has not come to pass and probably will not come to pass. Even if it does…so what? Failure is seldom as bad as we fear it will be.
Today I was reminded that letting go of me means that I have the opportunity to be…to simply be. And “being” in that sense will allow me to serve others better. And that’s the whole point.
I have to remember why I am here. There is still so much to learn!
Illuminate Possibilities 