Passing…

I learned the most about mourning from, of all things, a business book I read a few years ago about managing through transitions in large corporations.  The book, in fact, is called “Managing Transitions” by William Bridges.  I’ve talked and written about it many times.  It’s funny how it is only in retrospect that you realize how influential a book has been in your life.

The most important thing I learned is that mourning is a doorway into the possibilities of the future.  When we experience a great change in our lives, we must mourn what was, what existed before the change.  We mourn what could have been.  We mourn what we often believe SHOULD have been.  Most importantly, we always, always mourn for ourselves.  We seldom mourn for anyone else but ourselves.  When we do, it is brief.  Mourning, it turns out, is a very personal act of release.

Unfortunately, it is quite possible to never get beyond the mourning.

You see, in our society, we mourn for in public for a period.  Then we stop.  We stop because we believe we must.  Our mourning then becomes private.  Mourning becomes a solitary act.  We suppress the urge.  We suppress the feelings.  We wish them away.  We bury them deep.  But, as the saying goes, emotions buried never die.  It is at this point that we betray our best interest and keep the cycle of mourning from completing.

Mourning is a doorway.  It is just a step in a larger cycle.  Mourning allows us to move on from our fixation on what was and what could have been to what will be.  What will be…this is the future of limitless possibilities.  Sometimes, particularly in a large organization or corporation, what will be is outlined in a vision statement or a document of some kind around which people can rally in order to build a new future.  Unfortunately, in our personal lives we seldom have such a concise, well-defined visionary document.

But that shouldn’t stop us from moving forward.

While we may not have a document, what we have is vision.  We have our mind’s eye to show us what the future can be.  There is, of course, danger in once again living outside the present moment and in our heads once again.  We can fixate on a better tomorrow…always tomorrow…that will never come.  If our vision is always on the horizon…well, have you ever chased the horizon?  It has a habit of always been far ahead…on the horizon.

Imagine what can be.  Then look to what is, to what is in front of you.  Give thanks for the present moment.  Be grateful for life and love and everything beautiful surrounding you.  This is the place where you will find grace.

Feel your pain.  Mourn.  But do not let too many “nows” pass you by.