The Freedom To Be Both Of Me

I like randomness.  I like life without constraints.  I like days without structure.  I like open-ended questions.  I like meandering streams and meandering conversations.  I like waking up and not sweating what needs to get done every minute of the coming day.

I like order.  I like life with boundaries.  I like days with purpose.  I like specific inquiries that lend themselves to specific answers.  I like getting to the point and not dawdling.  I like waking up and knowing exactly how the day is supposed to unfold.

This is me.  Plural and singular.

Poetically, the contrast is cool.  Practically, the contrast is more like a conflict.  It can be maddening.  You see, I can live my life both ways and be completely content.  I just need the freedom to be both of me.  For me, freedom means that I get to choose which me I am going to be and I get to choose all the when, where, and how.  When someone infringes upon my right to exercise that freedom…yeah, I don’t like that so much.  When I feel that I don’t have the choice…yeah, I don’t like that so much either.

I bristle at those times when freedom is taken away from me.  I can adjust on the fly when I adjust by choice.  I can be happy following an agenda all day just as much as I can be happy letting the day take me where it will.  I can be unhappy in both situations, too, if I feel I’ve lost control.  My experience has been that most people respond the same way.  Loosing control is a tough thing to swallow.

What I have come to understand is that control is a perception.  It’s a function of what we believe should be happening in the world around us at any given moment in time.  All we really control is our reactions to things.  Once we embrace the circumstances of the moment, we choose how we want to react.  Understanding this is crucial to finding freedom in situations we might have otherwise perceived as lacking freedom.  If we choose the reaction, then the reaction can be anything.  

Like randomness. Like life without constraints. Like days without structure. Like open-ended questions.  Like meandering streams and meandering conversations.  Like waking up and not sweating what needs to get done every minute of the coming day.

Like order. Like life with boundaries. Like days with purpose.  Like specific inquiries that lend themselves to specific answers. Like getting to the point and not dawdling.  Like waking up and knowing exactly how the day is supposed to unfold.

The freedom to be both of me, whenever and however I want, is a choice.  It’s your choice, too.