Step 1: Listen

 I find that there is one essential first step to any meaningful interaction with another human being: listening.  Talking is good.  It helps establish that you are among the living and interesting in engaging the other person, but listening is really where it is at.  I find a good into is crucial.  Something about what you do for a living or how you do what you do is a good way to start.  Get them interested.  Once you do, turn the table on them.  Switch it up and let them know that YOU are interested in THEM.  Then, listen.

Listen.

That’s “Step 1” to drawing someone into your world.  A good friend of mine wrote in his book that your intro…your personal brand, if you will…is what you use to connect someone to your purpose and make them a part of your story.  That’s right; your story.  You can substitute “story” for “journey” or “adventure” or “life.”  Or maybe it’s your own personal train wreck.  Regardless, once you get someone engaged, you are free to exercise that mighty first step, listening.

Listening is tricky.  Sometimes, you just want to jump in there and offer your few cents.  I’m as guilty of it as anyone.  Sometimes, I feel compelled to keep the conversation moving.  Other times, I want to demonstrate how clever I am.  And there’s always the burning desire to offer your opinion.  At a cocktail part or a mixer, that might work out OK.  After all, chances are you’re just shooting for the casual, superficial conversation.  Or maybe you’re not.  Either way, in social situations, you’re probably only going to go so deep.  But…what about those other times?  You know, those times when you want to make a real connection?  Or those times when you want to help someone out when they are struggling?  

Listening opens doors.  Often, the solution to a problem is hidden within the problem statement itself.  If not in the problem statement, then in an explanation of the details of the problem.  When you get someone talking and resist the urge to interrupt, you create a space that allows the individual to begin exploring their own hidden solutions.  My experience has been that there are very few people walking around with a problem for which they have not already envisioned a dozen different solutions.  What they need is an opportunity to hear themselves think.  They need an opportunity to develop their ideas a little more.  You can be the catalyst for that process if you choose listening over talking.

You’ll know when the time is right for you to participate in the process.  Just give it time to develop.  Listen.  It’s a far more satisfying gift than talking, and you’ll find it builds deeper bonds with others.