Don’t Be Afraid to Feel

Navigating through change requires a healthy dose of mourning.  I’ve recognized this for many years, but it wasn’t until I read William Bridges book “Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change” that I found a whole model of managing through change that was based on this concept of mourning what once was.  It’s an essential part of change, good or bad.

When I graduated from high school, like many people, I mourned the end of my life as I knew it as much as I welcomed the college years to come.  For me, the transition was particularly hard.  Not only was I leaving my school and the town I lived in, I was leaving the country in which I had spent the last 10 + years of my life.  For good.  This wasn’t an easy thing to accept, and I mourned.  Unfortunately, I did not embrace the mourning period, so, as a result, the pain of that transition lingered for years.  It subsided as my new life unfolded, but a dull ache stayed with me for years.  Eventually, I came to realize that everyone mourns to one degree or another.  The key is to embrace it, acknowledge it, face it, and work through it.

This seems like a simple idea, but I meet so many people who still grapple with changes that were hard on them, changes from which they have not fully recovered.  To mourn, we must first acknowledge what it is about the old status quo that we liked.  Once we know that, we can think about what we want the new status quo to look like.  It’s seldom that simple, but the process really isn’t complicated.  At times, we may need the help and support of others, but there will be times when we will be able to navigate this part of the process on our own.  The key, again, is acknowledgment, not suppression, of emotion.  Emotions buried never die.  

Our emotions are powerful.  They can drain us of our energy or they can propel us to new heights.  Regardless of whether we view them as positive or negative, they are useful to us.  There are very few people who couldn’t benefit from learning how to become more attuned with their emotions in an effort to leverage everything they have to offer. 

Don’t be afraid to feel.