Be Doubly as Compassionate

There’s been a lot of talk of death in the media lately.  Robert McNamara, US Secretary of Defense for both President John F. Kennedy and Lyndon B. Johnson, died today at the age of 93.  Of all the stories we’ve been hearing about these past few weeks, his is the most intriguing to me.  Apart from his role in the Vietnam War, he was a man who repeatedly reinvented himself throughout his lifetime.  That concept resonates with me.

Reinvention.  Death and rebirth.  With the passing of each life, there is mourning.  Mourning is an essential part of the process of passing on.  We expect it.  When we experience it, we call it grieving, and it tugs on every last cell in our body.  It weighs us down.  It consumes us.  It hollows us from the inside out, and it leaves a wound that can feel like it never quite healed.  It haunts our thoughts.  Our memories echo like footsteps down empty halls.  It chills us as time goes by, and sometimes the slightest hint of yesteryear brings it all crashing back down on us.

That is grieving.  It can take a few days.  It can take a lifetime.  However long it takes, we are merciful when we see it in the eyes of others.  We try to be understanding, empathetic.  We let them experience those awful moments however they must.  After all, we know the feeling.  And when we feel it ourselves, we expect pity and compassion.  We excuse ourselves from acts we might otherwise not have committed.  When death comes, we make allowances for those who must grieve.

Talk of death is not only littered with metaphors, death itself is a metaphor.  When change comes calling, the passing from what was to what will be has been called death by more than just me.  However, this death does not always bring compassion.  Instead, it brings temporary tolerance which makes way for impatience, even annoyance.  We tend to shorten our time of forgiveness, of understanding.  Why should this be?  Is it that there are certain types of grieving processes that are acceptable while others are not?  I believe this to be the case.  I believe that not nearly enough people are as compassionate as they could be when allowing others to grieve change, myself included.  This has been one of the great lessons of my life: allow others to grieve as they must as what was passes into what will be.  

Which brings me to the best quote I’ve heard in the past two weeks: “Be doubly as compassionate to everyone you meet because you don’t know who is suffering twice as much as you.”

Take you time.  Grieve as you must.  Anyone who matters to you will be there when it is over.  Anyone else can suck an egg.