L&L: Kicking Adult Kids Out of the Nest

Wish I could claim that one as my own, but, mercifully, I have no experience with the topic.

However, I do have experience with Love and Logic parenting. Good stuff. Dr. Charles Fay is the son of one of the founders of the parenting philosophy. The Love and Logic Institute puts out regular E-mail newsletters. They usually have short anecdotes like the one below. I enjoy them immensely, and I often share them with others.

This one is good. While the note below is to a young adult, the concept remains the same for kids of all ages: by not making kids be accountable for stuff, we rob them of the valuable experiences that will help them out later in life. In my work, I run across a lot of people who probably could have used parents a little more like the one who authored the letter. Dr. Fay’s note is included below in its entirety. Good stuff. Read on…

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Kicking Adult Kids Out of the Nest…In a Loving Way

While it’s fine for hard-working and respectful adult children to live with their parents for limited periods of time, it never makes sense with irresponsible and disrespectful ones. On page 147 of my new book, Parenting Kids to Become the People Employers Really Want and…America Desperately Needs!, I include the following letter written to a “responsibility-challenged” 23-year-old.

Dear Lex:

I need to apologize. I am so sorry! I’ve been stealing from you for years.

I haven’t taken anything like money… or any of your things. What I have stolen is your self-respect. I’ve also stood in the way of you becoming a man. I haven’t done this on purpose. I did it because I love you very much. I really thought that I was doing the right thing by protecting you from the world. Now I realize that you need a chance to see that you have what it takes to make it in the world.

When you were just a little boy, you were afraid to learn how to swim. Because I worried that you might drown if you ever fell in a pond or a pool, I forced you to get in the water for your first lesson. You were so mad at me! That’s until you learned how to float and paddle your way around the pool. Then you were so proud. On the way home from the pool, you smiled from ear to ear.

That’s what I want for you now. That’s why I’m expecting you to dive into adulthood by moving out and becoming completely self-supporting.

If you decide that you would like to continue your education by going to trade school or community college, you may live here with us as long as you are doing your fair share of housework, are fun to be around, and are earning money to help us with utilities, food, and other miscellaneous expenses.

Let me know what you decide.

Love,
Dad

Thanks for reading!
Dr. Charles Fay