Manipulation

In Spanish, the word “manipular” doesn’t have quite the same sinister connotations as the word “manipulation” does in English. In Spanish, it literally means “to handle.” Of course, it can mean the same thing as it’s English counterpart, but manipular can be used in every day speech without seeming…inappropriate.

In English, manipulation is a bad thing. Merriam-Webster lists three definitions for the word “manipulate,” and it’s the third definition that refers to the negative form of the word. Check it out for yourself: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/manipulate. However, it’s the third one that people immediately jump to when they hear the word.

Last week, I had a conversation with a colleague, and the topic of manipulation came up. He acknowledged the negative connotations of the word, but he was also brave enough to use the word to describe how he manages the many moving parts that comprise his world at work. I appreciated that courage, and I further appreciated the recognition that manipulation is precisely how many things are accomplished in the business world. Heck, watch “Meet the Press” on Sunday mornings, and you’ll see manipulation at work at so many levels. The show manipulates your perceptions; the guests manipulate the host; the host manipulates the guests…it goes on and on. I even observe it in my own home: my kids manipulate me; I manipulate my kids; my wife manipulates me; I manipulate my wife. It all sounds so…ugly.

But the truth of the matter is that all of these things, when stripped of our emotional reactions to them, point to a very basic and very vital skill that differentiated humankind tens of thousands of years ago: the ability to manipulate our environment. “To manage or utilize skillfully,” as Merriam-Webster on-line puts it. There is no sin in learning to utilize the resources at your disposal in an effort to elicit change. It is motivation that can turn things dark.

And what constitutes the “right” motivation? I don’t know. It’s a subjective practice, and that’s where the negative connotations come from. Regardless, learning to skillfully utilize your faculties and your knowledge of the things and people around you is essential to survival. It’s a skill I hope to develop in my kids. Does that sound wrong? To some it might. The fact of the matter is that the better they are at manipulating situations, for example, the more likely they are to keep themselves out of harm’s way or work towards a greater good.

You can argue the motivation thing until the end of time, and people will usually take a polar view of the topic. However, you can’t argue about manipulation. It is real. It’s “out there.” The world is filled with people who manipulate for gain and others who manipulate in order to provide the world with balance. I dig deep, every day, to make sure that I am on a side of the coin that I can live with, that serves as a good example for my kids, that will allow my wife to proudly claim me as her husband, and that serves the wisdom, compassion, and love that I know guide this Universe.

Manipulation. It is what you make it.