Being Present: Good for Me, Good for Them!

My friend (the former Buddhist monk) and I had an interesting conversation the other day that meandered through many topics. At one point, I found myself explaining to him how I felt about trying to provide the best life possible for my children.

I used to say that I wanted to provide for my children the same experiences and opportunities that I had growing up. It was actually a source of anxiety for me. How on Earth was I going to be able to provide my boys with the types of vacations I enjoyed as a child, for example? I can’t afford fancy resorts all the time. How am I going to send them to Russia? To Cyprus? My parents did that for me. Shouldn’t I strive to give that to my kids?

But the years have given me clarity that I lacked back then. There’s the process of spiritual discovery to thank for that, of course. That, and my boys have taught me a thing or two about the Universe as we’ve grown up together. I realize now that when I used to say that I wanted to provide them with the same experiences, I was really saying that I wanted to provide them with the same MATERIAL experiences that I had. I was caught up in the world of form. What my boys have taught me is that my heart and soul really wanted to recreate the feeling you get as a child when you experience the world with your family by your side. I don’t remember the thread count of the sheets or the make of the car my parents rented when I was a kid. What I remember from my childhood is traveling with my parents, sharing experiences with my brothers, and seeing new and exciting things with the people I loved most around me.

That’s such a simple thing to give my boys. All it requires is that I be present for them, that I live in the moment as they live in the moment, and that I make those moments about all of us as a family. If my wife and I can do that with them, then I think I can safely say that I will be giving them exactly what I had as a kid.

This transcends special times, like vacations and birthdays, though. Sure, making those times special is important, but it’s being completely present that makes all the difference to my boys. Keeping that in mind is tough, but it’s essential. I may struggle to do it every day, but if they can feel my presence in some of the moments we share each day, then I think I am building something for them that will outlast me and endure with them for years to come.

Besides, being present reduces stress, and reducing stress prolongs life.

Being present: good for me, good for them!